Connection and kindness in tough times.
Connection and kindness is something we all need right now, and as humans, something we are hard-wired to give. We do need to stay at home to keep ourselves and others safe, but how can we do this and stay connected? If you do go out briefly, for a walk or to the shops, then how can you maximise your positive impact on others on the way?
10 tips for transmitting kindness
Here are some quick tips on how to connect with others from 2m distance in under 2 minutes. These might come in handy if you are out walking but can’t hug, shake hands, play sport, do hobbies or even have a cuppa together whilst the children play.
Give a warm greeting – nod your head, sing out, tip your imaginary hat, touch your hand to your heart, clasp hands together at your chest, give a small wave.
Give a warm smile, lots of eye contact and use their name.
If it’s a person you don’t know well, ask a random question – “What's for dinner tonight? Seen any good shows lately? Do you have a pet? Are you growing any herbs? What book are you reading?” Connecting over small talk brings a little bit of the everyday back to what can be a challenging time.
Share your best (or worst) joke! We all need a little humour in challenging times.
Ask how they and their family are. Listen to the answer. If they are upset, acknowledge their feelings. It’s normal and OK to feel stressed or worried and we're all in this together.
Provide well wishes. It might feel awkward, but in the midst of a pandemic, this shows care. You can say, “I hope tomorrow is better”, or “I’ll be thinking of you”.
Ask them if there is anything you can do to help them? You might not be able to do anything but they will feel your kindness in asking.
Exchange phone numbers so you both have one more neighbourhood contact.
Keep it short and sweet – less than 2 min. You can say, “We’d best keep moving, maybe see you again next time.”
If appropriate, do a fun farewell – do a jig, skip in a circle, curtsey/ bow, clap your hands together, air high5 from a distance. Try and stay positive, even if feeling miserable – it will lift your spirits and theirs. You may be the only person someone will see outside their household today, so small connections are super important. You will feel better for having made the connection also
How to connect to others when we feel so disconnected
Feeling connected to people that care for us is important. These people, and the environments they create give us protection and health. We find these people in all different ways – sometimes family, at school, in the community, among our friends. Sometimes its pets. Or people we know through the media, online games or other digital spaces.
Finding ‘our tribe’ is important because it’s about identifying, belonging, believing the same as others, as well as sharing, trusting and helping. We look after each other and feel safer and included. Having a sense of belonging and connectedness literally increases your health, mental health and wellbeing, as well as learning, education and employment.
Reach out to existing relationships – make a list and call them once a week
Call/email/videocall family and friends you have lost contact with
Join an online chat group about a hobby
Leave a note in your neighbour’s letterbox, or a flower, or some origami, or a drawing
Walking the dog and smiling at everyone you pass even if you don’t stop
Arrange to have a cup of tea at the same time on the phone
Play an online game together and chat whilst you do
Do a meal swap with your neighbour
Grow some herbs or produce in a small box and teach the kids how to garden
Listen to a radio show at the same time each day
“As a rough rule of thumb, if you belong to no groups but you decide to join one, you cut your risk of dying over the next year in half ” (Robert Putnam, Bowling Alone, 1995)